Directions

A while back a good friend of mine told me that I had to teach people how to treat me (this was way before Dr. Phil made the line famous). It's really just another way of saying I had to form boundaries and put them in place. It's a good thing she never said it like that though because I know my mind would have slammed shut.

With my friends support I started by getting to know who I was and what I needed both for and from myself. The next step was being able to decide what I needed from others and to voice those needs. The more practice I got, the easier it became. To my own amazement my relationships with others have definitely improved, but they're not perfect. We're told to aim for progress, and there's been a lot of that.

I've come to think of boundaries as an invisible set of directions. Since the world around me can't see them, I have to give voice to them. We all need directions whether its for operating the VCR, working a recovery program, or getting along with others. Its not a one way street, so I need you to direct me as to how you need to be treated as well. If we don't know the directions it takes us a lot longer to find where we're going. We can stop along the way and ask, but if we're told up front, we'll get there a lot faster.

Decisions Decisions

I had always been taught that making a decision and sticking to it showed conviction. For me that word is very imprisoning. It makes me think of being locked into something, and ultimately being unable to get out of it. For a long time I had difficulty making decisions. I was afraid to make the wrong one and since I had the belief that I only got one crack at the bat, I knew I had better think long and hard before making it. Like most of the perceptions I brought with me into recovery, I've come to see this one as being false.

I now make decisions based on the facts as I know them today. If those facts or circumstances change, then so might my decision. I am empowered by the knowledge that its my decision, and I can change it if I need to.

Acceptance

It occurred to me this morning that when I have difficulty accepting a situation in my life, it is because I have not accepted that the only solution is to accept it. This may be obvious to you, but when I'm in the thick of it, well... I become a little thick. It actually helps me to think of acceptance in stages or piecemeal if you like.

Right now I'm dealing with a situation where I don't like what's going on. I have not yet accepted that the situation is exactly as it is supposed to be at this moment, but I am however, starting to accept that accepting it is the only road to peace of mind. Everything has a process or stages or pieces. Smaller bites are sometimes easier to swallow and for now I'll have to continue nibbling away at acceptance, one bite at a time.