More Favorite Quotes

1. If you don't call your sponsor, then you don't have a sponsor.

2. The problem with isolating is that you get such bad advice.

3. It's really hard for God to guide you if you keep running out ahead of Him.

4. People who don't go to meetings aren't there to see what happens to people who don't go to meetings.

5. Stinking thinking leads to drinking.

6. You don't get drunk by making mistakes. You get drunk by defending them.

7. Switching from one compulsion to another is like switching seats on the Titanic.

Branching Out

I was browsing a site the other day which stated that the U.S. Presidential Seal and Flag shows a spread-winged eagle clutching an olive branch in one talon, and arrows of war in the other. When it was originally designed, the eagle looked towards the arrow-grasping talon, but was later redesigned so that the eagle looked towards the olive branch. The reasoning behind the change was that, although prepared for war, one should always look towards peace. This had me asking, "In all situations, do I look towards peace?".

In the past there have been many times where I've shown up prepared to do battle, times when I've shown love on my face but felt hate in my heart. Mostly the injuries have all been internal and the bleeding has been profuse, seemingly lasting years. Today I can't afford to be a waring fraction.

As an individual in recovery, holding an olive branch in both hands allows me a greater sense of peace of mind and a clearer connection to my Higher Power.

What Would the Master Do?

A friend of mine, faced with a particularly confusing situation, called her sponsor to ask advice. The sponsor shared what she would do, and my friend followed suit. Knowing how the situation turned out, I had to wonder what would have happened if her sponsor had asked her, "What would the Master do?".

Its been a long time since that phrase has come to mind, and I decided to start incorporating it into dialogues with my own sponsees. We often check in with the Big Book during our discussions but why not dial in direct to the Big Guy.

When I'm at a loss of what to do, the answer becomes instantly clear when I put myself in His shoes.

Degrees of Separation

When I first started going to meetings, even though members advised me to try to identify with what other people shared, I could only see the differences. Yes I drank, but not to the degree that you did. Yes my life was unmanageable, but not to the degree that yours was. Yes I lied and was dishonest, but not to the degree that you were. And on it went. Not being able to see past those degrees kept me separated, isolated, and insulated from the truth of what I had become.

A.A. taught me how connecting with others, helped me to connect with myself. Today I want to be one among many, neither less than nor better than.

Spot check: Are my thoughts keeping me separate from you today, and to what degree?

Permission

Do I introduce to others thoughts about myself that might never have occurred to them without my planting them there. If the words I use have the power to make me feel tall or small, then don't those same words have the power to let others see me in a similar light. When I say something negative about myself to another person during a casual conversation, I am transmitting to them that its alright to think of me, or to even speak of me in that way. Yet in the past when that has happened, I've felt bewildered and betrayed.

In the Big Book it says, "we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt."

I need to be cognizant that when I use negative words to describe myself, that I am actually giving others permission to do the same.

The Power of Words

Becoming aware of each word I use, and hearing what I am actually saying about myself, has become a powerful tool in recovery. One day, not so long ago, I heard myself identify as someones "crazy girlfriend". I'd said that about myself before, but for the first time I really heard it, and was overwhelmed by the pain it triggered. Right then I made the decision to never say it again, believing that if my external voice stopped reiterating it, my inner voice would follow. When I stopped saying it, I stopped believing it.

The words I use have the power to make me feel tall or small.

How are you treating life?

The other day a friend was telling me that instead of greeting his neighbour with the usual, "How's life treating you?", it accidentally came out, "How are you treating life?". It's amazing how just turning a phrase around allows me to see things in a different light. It reminded me of the famous JFK statement, "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."

A simple turn of phrase, or thought or attitude can shift my thinking, and in that there is freedom. It redirects my inward thoughts back to where they belong, outside of myself. When I'm in that frame of mind, my world instantly brightens and realigns itself with absolutely no effort from me.

Love and Tolerance

Tolerance, especially of others, was never really my strong suit and I would automatically shift right into judgment and condemnation. Even when I came into recovery I continued to struggle with the whole tolerance concept. It was Dr. Bob who said, "love and tolerance are our code", but it still didn't resonate with me until someone told me that the reason I have to tolerate others is because they can't tolerate themselves. That I got. I spent a lot of years not being able to tolerate myself, and when I see people acting out, I now feel compassion for their plight. I get that whatever they are dealing with is intolerable to them, which in turn makes them act out in ways that can be intolerable to others.

I'm grateful for all those members who loved me until I could love myself, and who tolerated me until I could tolerate myself.

Best Interest at Heart

When first asked the Twenty Questions, I answered most of them with a resounding yes, but there were a couple to which I replied no. One of them was Number 7, "Do you turn to lower companions and an inferior environment when drinking". It sounds crazy to hear myself say it now, but back then "lower companions" were "alcoholics" (imagine!) , or people who had a criminal element about them. After being in the program for a while I began to see that question in a different light.

When I was drinking with those who shared my obsession of the mind for alcohol, no one ever took away my car keys, questioned my insane decisions or my impaired judgement. No one put my needs before theirs or asked what was best for me, and yet these were the people with whom I spent all my time. I now understand that these people were my "lower companions" because they did not have my best interest at heart.

Today the people that I surround myself with love me unconditionally, value and respect my friendship, and won't co-sign my bullshit. It is in that kind of healthy environment that I too, can have my own best interest at heart.