Drawing Near, the Purest Form of Art

For the longest time, I thought that the first part of Step Two read, "Came to believe in a power greater than ourselves..." instead of "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves...". That first part of Step Two was not about my believing, right there, right then, in a celestial being (which is why I got stuck on this step forever!). It was about opening my mind to the fact that there was a power greater than me.

That simple (?) admission was all that was required to move forward. At this point I wasn't expected to know who or what that power was, I didn't even know who or what I was. The only way I had a chance of figuring it all out was by working through the rest of the twelve steps (aka drawing near). In the Big Book it says, "When we drew near to Him He disclosed Himself to us! (We Agnostics, p.57, last line).

If I continue to draw near to Him (aka working the steps), who, and what else will disclose themselves to me?

Read all about it!

Today was the first time I'd forwarded my blog to one of my friends and it was with great trepidation that I hit the SEND button. In the last month or so, the excitment of being able to combine my love of writing, recovery, gardening and photography, was replaced with the fear of what others might say about my little blog. The fear was stopping me from sharing myself, and that isnt who I want to be.

I am grateful for the moments of awareness where I am able to see how pride and fear really do evoke a "soul-sickness" (TSTT p49) within me. My Higher Power continues to provide opportunities for me to see how easily I can be "driven by a hundred forms of fear" (BB p62).

Someone I admire once said, "I used to be a fearful person, this morning I had a fearful moment." I can relate. I just wish the moments didn't last so long.

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What Would the Master Do?

A friend of mine, faced with a particularly confusing situation, called her sponsor to ask advice. The sponsor shared what she would do, and my friend followed suit. Knowing how the situation turned out, I had to wonder what would have happened if her sponsor had asked her, "What would the Master do?".

Its been a long time since that phrase has come to mind, and I decided to start incorporating it into dialogues with my own sponsees. We often check in with the Big Book during our discussions but why not dial in direct to the Big Guy.

When I'm at a loss of what to do, the answer becomes instantly clear when I put myself in His shoes.

Permission

Do I introduce to others thoughts about myself that might never have occurred to them without my planting them there. If the words I use have the power to make me feel tall or small, then don't those same words have the power to let others see me in a similar light. When I say something negative about myself to another person during a casual conversation, I am transmitting to them that its alright to think of me, or to even speak of me in that way. Yet in the past when that has happened, I've felt bewildered and betrayed.

In the Big Book it says, "we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt."

I need to be cognizant that when I use negative words to describe myself, that I am actually giving others permission to do the same.