Drawing Near, the Purest Form of Art

For the longest time, I thought that the first part of Step Two read, "Came to believe in a power greater than ourselves..." instead of "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves...". That first part of Step Two was not about my believing, right there, right then, in a celestial being (which is why I got stuck on this step forever!). It was about opening my mind to the fact that there was a power greater than me.

That simple (?) admission was all that was required to move forward. At this point I wasn't expected to know who or what that power was, I didn't even know who or what I was. The only way I had a chance of figuring it all out was by working through the rest of the twelve steps (aka drawing near). In the Big Book it says, "When we drew near to Him He disclosed Himself to us! (We Agnostics, p.57, last line).

If I continue to draw near to Him (aka working the steps), who, and what else will disclose themselves to me?

My Life is a Hoover

Seriously. I live in a vacuum, or as the Big Book says, "bondage of self". This morning proved, that although I try very hard, I can easily fall back into "its all about me".

Early this morning I heard a noise outside my front door and when I went out to look, found a couple of guys digging a huge hole right beside my prize Clematis plant (which is a beautiful flowering climbing vine). I live in a townhouse and apparently my next door neighbours have a crack in their foundation. These guys were in the midst of digging down eight feet to repair it. Was my first concern about my neighbours and their leak? Nope, nor was it my second or third or fourth. My only concern was my plant, my garden, me, me, me. The guys are still out there digging and I can't help at times but to look out the front window to see if the trellis and my vine have toppled. It's ridiculous really. There are much more important things I need to be taking care of right now. When I was drinking I didn't care about my plants, or their aesthetic value. It's even quite likely that I would have been out there with the guys, asking if they'd like something cold to drink.

Recently I heard someone talk about, "not being so personally involved in our lives". Its similar to saying that I am not the star of my own film but just one of the extras, or, one among many. This isn't something I can accomplish through sheer self will. I can become less self absorbed however, by connecting to my Higher Power through the 3rd and 7th Step prayers.